


Secrets Ficlet

by DestinyFreeReally



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5140889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyFreeReally/pseuds/DestinyFreeReally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Post-Spike's Resurrection in Angel conversation about pre-Chosen Spuffy feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets Ficlet

     "I shouldn't have told you...like that, huh?" Infamous bad Buffy timing was a time honored tradition, it felt like. She smoothed blonde bangs out of her eyes to look straight into his. No more hiding. No more secrets. "I was just scared that.. I don't know, everything. My friends at first, I guess. That's with the glaring obviousness. Then the _actual_  First, second. And I just wanted to make sure it wasn't, you know, that I just needed you or..." Wanted you. "I mean I did, but..." God, this was so messed up. She wished so many times that she could've had that moment on rerun and here she was still making a mess of it and why was he so _quiet!_ "I mean, I know, things are different now... Death'll do that to a person... But I just wanted to tell you that I meant it, you know? I... You were... And I kept it a secret, and then our hands..."

   
      Her eyes drifted down to their palms, almost wishing for a tiny scar, some token of remembrance to prove it wasn't all just a really intense dream. When he was... When she was alone... She had a lot of time think about him. About them. About how they had been a spark, and they'd consumed each other first, before they turned their fire to the world to save it. "I didn't want to leave you with _that_ still being my secret, you know? But I meant it. And then I left.. with it being our secret. Kind of." A deep exhale she didn't mean to hold back finally escaped her frame. He was just staring, clear-blue eyes looking clearer than ever.   
   
     "Some secrets are okay to keep, love. Glad to hear it, though. I- I didn't mean to spit it back at you, love, I know how it-" How it felt to have someone tell you you don't feel for them. It was the pit-of-your-stomach bad feeling, he remembered it painfully well. But that wasn't fair to her, his core knew. She'd been right some of the time. Usually was, one of the things that made him crazy about her, even still. Forever. There were times he hadn't loved her. Not really. Was obsessed with her. Was fascinated with having her or killing her or having her after killing her. And then he had loved her. Loved her so much it hurt them both. And now here she was. Talking about loving him back. Talking about giving him real life again, in a way. "I just wasn't sure... If I let myself believe it... I wasn't sure I'd stick it out till the end there, you know? Cook sunnyhell from the inside and let you and the rest of your mates get out proper." She was mad at him for not coming to her alive the instant he could have. And her anger tickled him. Flattered him. Frustrated him to all hell that she didn't understand. She loved him once though, maybe still. That was something.   
   
     "I don't think I wanna keep secrets from you anymore though, okay? Can I be totally with the over of that?" She tentatively stepped to him slow, her feet barely lifting off the floor to move his way. Seeing his jaw clench almost stopped her, but then it softened. As she eased herself into his arms, pulled him closer, closer, closer, face pressed into his hard, leathered shoulder. She inhaled the cool smell of the leather and the crisp smell of death and his _gross_ cigarettes.  "I missed you so much." She would bruise the leather if she held too tight, but he was _here_ after...after everything, and what else really mattered?  "I don't know if it... I know it's different now, your life is here..." She faltered for a split second, and fire flashed before her eyes. Fire that had consumed him and saved her and took the whole town with them. "I love you, Spike. I love you."


End file.
